on the path of spiritual self-development (what else to call it)
On the path of spiritual self-development (I don’t know what else to call it), there come periods when the practices don’t work, and what worked ten years ago doesn’t work at all now. You feel like you’re sliding backward, and it might seem like you’ve degraded, become worse, stiffened, rusted—in other words, gone to seed. But that, of course, isn’t the case. And now I’ll explain why.
In truth, if all this time you haven’t lived a wasteful life but have continued developing in one sense or another, you’ve still become better, wiser, stronger, and more refined. But your current results in meditation might unsettle you—those meditations where just a couple of years ago you could sink so deep that you’d slip into the “phase” without much effort, using the well-known “direct method” in this crowd. And now you can’t even relax, let alone practice dreamwork.
I didn’t bring this up for nothing. Lately, I’ve been talking more often with the guys I used to practice with, explore with, do magic with… Yeah, it was an interesting time. But years have passed, and many have stepped away from the “work” to focus on more worldly matters. They dove into jobs, business, but now some of them feel the urge to start practicing again. That means energy has finally freed up for it, whereas before it was all consumed by the theme of becoming—professional growth in their fields, or family matters—whatever it was for each. The theme of becoming is an important stage in anyone’s life, I think, and it seems to me there’s no way around it. Everyone has to seriously dive into this process one way or another and reach at least some heights in this life. I won’t touch on the idea of asceticism, since I don’t know any ascetics or monks, but I intuitively feel that the path through society is inherently more effective.
I’ve gone through this myself, and in those moments the main thing is not to manage to disappoint yourself and to steadily keep reviving your magical core. In reality, you haven’t become worse—none of you have. What’s actually happened is that you’ve gained a new load of experience that you’re still digesting and haven’t yet figured out how to “solder” onto the worldview you were building when you practiced various esoteric disciplines. For now, you still don’t understand how to merge these two worlds into one unified world, and that’s what creates a conflict inside you, forcing you to choose a side. And most often, the choice falls on the material side of things, because a fearful mind is a cautious thing and, for survival’s sake, always picks the safer trajectory. If the mind is sound, that is. So it’s all fine—it’s supposed to be this way.
But energy is still spent, consumed by the exhausting processes of intrapersonal conflict. When magic won’t let go, and the fear of ending up as nobody comes crashing in. All of this plants chaos in the practitioner’s subconscious, and the “fontanel’s opening” closes for good. I don’t mean the fontanel babies have. I mean the other fontanel, which exists on a subtler level and closes much later, when the personality—so to speak—solidifies. “Fontanel” here is a conditional term. And there are no hard rules about when this fontanel should close. It might not close at all, which is rare in itself. For some, it happens at 25 (I think that’s the most common age). For others, earlier; for others, later. I think adults understand what I’m talking about. And generally, it seems to me that the people who will best grasp what I’m writing about now are those who’ve been practicing for a long time and whose training in this art fell in their younger years.
Under this kind of conflict, it’s hardly possible to practice anything serious. So, of course, the results of your practices will be worse. But you have to understand that this phenomenon is temporary. And as soon as you sort out your contradictions, your rocket will reignite, and you’ll continue your training in esoteric practices with renewed strength—and it will be even more effective than before. The figure that best reflects this phenomenon is lightning, a zigzag, a spring, or the rune Sowilo. Remember our lessons in runic art.
Now, about what to do. It’s very simple—do something. Whatever works. If meditations aren’t working, there’s plenty of other stuff. For example, recapitulation, self-analysis, or even just contemplation for a few minutes a day. Whatever flows. The opening can be closed, and it can be opened. To open it, the controlling stake needs to be back in magic’s hands. That is, it should make up at least 51% of your daily life. But don’t scare it off. Yourself, not magic. And don’t overexert yourself. Approach it gently, with pleasure. Show yourself that you enjoy this. Convince yourself that everything you do, you do for pleasure. And gradually ramp up the pace.
What did you expect? Did you really think it would be easy? 😉
#ArthurOHarra #HardshipsOfThePath